


Lesson Plan

by Melodic



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, background Vriska/Terezi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-15
Updated: 2018-03-15
Packaged: 2019-03-31 21:24:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13983615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melodic/pseuds/Melodic
Summary: A conversation that had to have happened somewhere along the way, or, in which Rose Lalonde explains human lesbianism to her girlfriend.





	Lesson Plan

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA] \--  
TT: Hey!  
TT: I just wanted to tell you I had a lot of fun last night.  
TT: That statement was utterly banal, but I believe it is the typical obligatory formulaic message one is supposed to send the day after a date in order to indicate that one would like more of them.  
GA: Are You Doing My Thing  
GA: Where I Say Something And Immediately Comment On How Foolish And Embarrassing It Was  
GA: And Proceed To Rationalize And Overexplain Why It Was Necessary To Say And Its Intended Subtextual Meaning Within A Conversation  
TT: Perhaps.  
TT: Perhaps I have found that your method of acknowledging socially awkward interactions for what they are right away and therefore relieving yourself from any responsibility for making them less awkward to be actually quite prudent and even strategically sound when one is suddenly struck by the urge to behave as if they are in a bad romantic comedy.   
GA: Do You Believe Approaching Our Fledgling Red Relationship By Going Out Of Our Way To Ensure We Are Hitting Certain Romantic Story Beats So To Speak And Following A Script Much Like Those Found In Maybe Some Of My Shadow Dropper Novels All The While Pointing Out Why We Are Doing So Is The Best Way To Go About This  
TT: I don't know.   
TT: Do you?  
GA: I Think We Should Do Whatever Comes Most Naturally To Us Without Necessarily Worrying About Which Cliches We Are Purposefully Invoking  
GA: I Find It Likely That Due To Our Respective Analytical Personalities We Will Be Unable To Proceed Through Anything Resembling The Process Of Flushed Courtship Without Laboriously Dissecting The Purpose Of Each And Every Individual Word Or Gesture For Unstated Meaning Much Like We Did Throughout Our Initial Attempts At Friendship  
GA: All While Openly Acknowledging What We Are Doing From The Start And Using Our Discussions About It To Incite Further Overthinking  
GA: If We Desire To Avoid Such A Trap We Should Start Pointing It Out Immediately Whenever One Of Us Engages In Such Conduct  
TT: You think the dynamic that comes most naturally to both of us is one that is in fact highly systematized and unnatural, and in response we should intentionally try to prevent one another from participating in complex battles of one-upmanship or other forms of pretentious horseshit?  
GA: Possibly Yes  
TT: Fascinating.   
TT: Is it normal for trolls to plan so meticulously when beginning a relationship?  
GA: Is It Unusual For Humans  
TT: I think so, yes.  
TT: Frankly though, human relationships would probably be much more orderly if we made such arrangements.  
GA: Troll Romance Is Already Capable Of Becoming Very Disorderly Even With The Aid Of Strategies Like Vacillation Timetables And Shipping Charts  
GA: We Turn To Such Methods Regularly To Help Manage Our Convoluted Social Webs  
TT: I can imagine.  
GA: I Did Not Intend For This To Become A Discussion About The Nature Of Our Matespritship And I Fear I Might Be Rambling Again  
GA: For The Record I Also Really Enjoyed Yesterdays Date  
GA: You Looked Lovely And I Enjoy Spending Time With You And Like You Very Much  
GA: In Case That Was Not Already Obvious  
TT: It was, but it's always nice to say anyway.   
TT: You are pretty lovely yourself. ;)   
TT: I suppose I must admit that I am turning to tired movie cliches and winky faces for lack of any robust understanding of even human romance. I'm not entirely sure how any of this is supposed to work.  
TT: This may shock you, but I am not very experienced in such matters.  
GA: Consider Me Absolutely Dumbfounded By This Astonishing Revelation  
GA: That Was Dismissive Sorry I Was Trying To Make A Joke  
TT: It's fine.  
GA: Also I Like Your Winking Hemicycles  
TT: I know.   
TT: Sorting through your novels and a few of Karkat's movies has been helpful but I feel as if I am greatly lacking in romantic examples from a human social context, and since I did not then realize I was so inclined I never sought out such material on earth.  
GA: I Am A Little Confused Rose Are You Indicating That You Were Not Exposed To Enough Romantic Narratives To Understand The General Gist Of What Actions Are Purported To Result In Them  
GA: I Am Sorry If I Find This Strange As On Alternia Almost All Media At Very Least Includes Some Form Of Romantic Subplot And Many Are Even Consumed By Them  
GA: Occasionally To The Degree Of Being Detrimental And Unnecessary To The Actual Story In Question Quite Honestly  
GA: My Impression Of Human Film Television And Books Was That Things Were Much The Same In That Regard  
TT: No, you're definitely spot on.   
TT: Those are different, though.  
GA: Why  
TT: Well, because  
TT: I mean  
TT: We're gay?  
GA: ...  
TT: Sorry, I've never said that to another person before.  
GA: ...  
TT: I've certainly poked fun at Dave for it plenty of times, which in retrospect was in rather poor taste, but using the term in reference to myself out loud is new territory.  
GA: ...  
TT: I wager that you are reacting only with finish crumb triads because you have no idea what I'm talking about, because aliens.  
GA: Yes You Have Completely Lost Me  
GA: I Have Heard The Term Once Or Twice In A Human Film Or Thrown Around By Dave But Never With Any Accompanying Explanation Or A Meaning That Could Be Inferred From Context  
GA: However The Uncharacteristic Apprehension With Which You Now Seem To Regard It Is Troubling  
GA: If There Is Anything About You I Can Speak Of With Certainty It Is Your Usual Unfaltering Confidence  
TT: You think I'm confident?  
GA: You Do Have A Brazen Demeanor Yes   
GA: Furthermore My Interest Is Piqued By The Manner In Which You Used Were  
TT: Were?  
GA: You Said  
GA: Were Gay  
GA: As In Both Of Us  
GA: Implying That The Abstract Human Cultural Paradigm You Are Using To Describe Yourself With Such Trepidation Also Applies To Me By Virtue Of The Nature Of Our Relationship  
TT: Yes.  
TT: You are very astute, Kanaya.  
TT: I like that about you.  
GA: ...  
GA: I Am Returning To The Finish Crumbs Because You Are Deftly Avoiding Any Real Exposition About The Term By Trying To Flirt Again  
TT: Right.   
TT: It was inevitable that this was going to come up eventually.  
TT: Gay is the human word for relationships involving two people of the same gender and people who prefer such relationships exclusively.   
TT: This is going to sound bizarre to you, but it carries colossal amount of cultural baggage and some intricate social implications with its own set of symbols, customs, and terminology.  
TT: To explain them in full would take months or years, and since I no longer have access to any of earth's resources on the matter I don't know if I could even do so.   
TT: Then again, it's no longer especially relevant since earth has been reduced to a smoking crater. Yet for some reason I am incapable of abandoning the concept as yet another relic of a dead civilization.  
TT: Embracing the identity does come with the sensation of an improved understanding of myself, but does it even have a meaning in this situation, when so few other people left in existence are familiar with it? And shouldn't the fact that we are different species be of higher import?  
TT: I am at a loss.   
GA: Rose Both Our Civilizations May Be Long Dead But We Are Still Here And I Think We Can Continue To Find Meaning In The Social Constructs That We Were Raised With And How They Defined Our Experiences  
GA: To Look Fondly Upon Our Memories Of What Those Things Meant Can Be A Way Of Mourning Them Or In Some Cases Keeping Them Alive  
GA: We Are In No Way Obligated To Relinquish Them Just Because The Society They Originated In Was Destroyed   
GA: It Just Means We Are Able To Choose What Aspects We Wish To Keep Or Discard Based On What Is Most Useful To Us In The Present  
GA: I Would Go So Far As To Say Preserving Some Of Our Cultural Artifacts Is Important For Maintaining A Sense Of Self And Contextualizing Our Feelings Even Now  
GA: Additionally As Someone Who Has Always Had A Preference For The Company Of Other Women The Idea Of A Place With Not Only Multiple Words For Such A Thing But Specific Accompanying Practices And Symbols Is Intriguing And If Such A Thing Is Important To You Then I Would Be Happy To Hear About It  
GA: Because You Are My Matesprit And I Want To Understand Your Feelings And Knowing That Some Of Them May Be More Difficult To Grasp Because Of Our Cultural Differences Just Makes Me Want To Try Harder  
GA: Maybe During Some Of Our Auspisticization Lessons We Can Take Some Time For You To Teach Me  
GA: About Your Human Gay  
TT: ...Thank you, Kanaya.  
TT: That sounds wonderful.  
TT: I will start on our first lesson plan straight away.   
TT: Or, well. Not straight, exactly.  
GA: ?  
TT: That will be hilarious later, I promise.  
GA: Okay  
  
  
***  
  
  
\-- METEOR GROUP CHAT - [FRUITY RUMPUS 3-YEAR ASSHOLE JOURNEY] --  
GC: 4ND TH3N HE TR1PPED R1GHT OV3R H3R 4ND L4ND3ED ON H1S 4SS!  
GC: YOU SHOULD H4VE S33N H1S F4CE >:]  
TG: its so weird hearing stories about how you and vriska are constantly wrecking the stupid clown but ive never seen him  
TG: like whenever my back is turned someone somewhere is tormenting a juggalo but its always just out of sight  
GC: HUSH!  
GC: MY STORY W4SN'T OV3R  
GC: 4FT3R W3 F1N1SH3D L4UGH1NG 4BOUT 1T MY 1NCR3D1BL3 MO1RA1L K1SS3D M3 ON TH3 CH33K 1N V1CTORY!  
GC: TH3 3ND  
GA: Wow  
GA: That Is Really Gay  
GC: >:?  
TG: dfghjkl  
GC: WH4T DO3S TH4T M3AN  
TG: oh my fucking GOD  
CG: I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON BUT STRIDER LITERALLY JUST SPIT OUT HIS DRINK WHILE SITTING ON THE COUCH NEXT TO ME AND IT WAS DISGUSTING.  
CG: PLEASE PROCEED TO SHAME HIM ACCORDINGLY FOR HAVING THE ASS BACKWARDS MANNERS OF AN ESPECIALLY STUPID SNORTFIEND THAT SPENT ITS CHILDHOOD DROOLING IN A DILAPIDATED MUSCLEBEAST STALL.  
TG: im sorry thats fucking hilarious though  
TG: where the hell did she learn that  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?  
TT: She won't stop saying it now.  
TT: I think I've created a monster.  
GC: I DON'T UND3RST4ND >:[  
GC: WH4T 1S TH1S G4Y TH1NG  
GC: 3XPL41N TH1S 1NST4NT!  
TG: rose what the fuck have you done  



End file.
